Rewrite and translate this title The problems and possibilities of dating within your aesthetic to Japanese between 50 and 60 characters. Do not include any introductory or extra text; return only the title in Japanese.

When Dinoh and his partner Jess first met two years ago, they both dressed according to “social norms”. The second time they ran into each other, they were “full-on” gothic. “I think that helped build the connection between us,” says Dino. “Normal people bore us, and we enjoy the eccentric and alternative side of life.” Dinoh currently describes himself as an “emo or punk guy”, and Jess traverses between “lolita goth”, “witch goth”, “vampire goth” and “romantic goth”. “We have the same time-passing activities and go to the European illegal side of raves,” says Jess. Aside from having the same hobbies, for both Dinoh and Jess, it was important to date someone within their alt communities. “I’ve dated normies, but it’s not the same experience because they don’t get it,” says Dinoh. So, when it comes to dating green flags, should having the same aesthetic be high on the list? 

Across social media, people proudly state that they only date within their aesthetic and “don’t settle for less”. They point to matching manicures and outfits as the reason why it’s worth breaking free from the “goth GF, finance BF” stereotype online. Some people claim to have found the complimentary “introverted gay English teacher BF” to their “nanacore male manipulator Vivienne Westwood GF”, while others have “manifested” their “dark academia BF” (none of these words are in the Bible). Most concerning, perhaps, are cottagecore couples who swear they were born in the “wrong time” or single people longing for “black cat” or Hufflepuff boys. However, as people increasingly use niche aesthetics to describe our current or future love interests, Dinoh says we’re losing the politics and meaning behind subcultures. “It’s not just about clothing or music,” he says. “It’s way deeper than that; it’s about empowering your voice through your appearance.” 

Just like someone wearing a trendy vintage rock shirt doesn’t mean they’ve listened to the band; people who date through aesthetics alone may be lured into a false sense of compatibility. While appearance has always been a factor in attraction, Rachel Wright, a psychotherapist in New York, says it used to be more about face-to-face interactions, vibes and chemistry. “In the past, shared values or community connections often outweighed appearance because more people met in person,” she says. “Today, aesthetics are often front and centre due to internet culture.” 

It’s not just about clothing or music. It’s way deeper than that; it’s about empowering your voice through your appearance

Reesa, 20, and Elias, 19, a couple based in Connecticut, say they were attracted to each other’s personality, but having “complementary” aesthetics was a bonus. “I’ve never had a partner where I could share clothes with them before,” says Reesa. “They were alternative but never as hardcore.” Growing up in the alternative scene, Reesa says trending aesthetics are encouraging more people to experiment with how they express themselves. Despite this, Elias worries it’s all becoming more superficial. “When you used to meet someone else who’s emo on the street, you don’t get a sense of who they are as a person anymore,” they say. “Most subcultures used to be very progressive, but with things becoming more aesthetic and less identity-based, now you’re not sure who you’re meeting anymore.” 

It should come as little surprise that aesthetic culture is changing how we talk about romance, especially considering aesthetics have become a language for young people. “Aesthetics are a layer of identity that evolves beyond default parameters like demographics,” says Sarah Unger, president and founder of the cultural insights and strategy advisory company Cultique. “In a highly digital world, the strategic use of aesthetics is an instantaneous, telegraphic way to signal cultural cachet, relevance and fluency. It’s also a way to easily experiment with identity in a more ephemeral, impermanent sense and explore multiple niches, trying them on for size.” However, Unger says young people are already experiencing “aesthetic fatigue”, under the crushing pressure of keeping with the fast-changing and fad-like nature of the infinite number of -core trends.

For those not chronically online, sharing aesthetic preferences can look like enjoying the same movies. “Aesthetic preferences give a world of information about a person,” Duane Lundy, a professor of psychology at Indiana University East. In a 2013 paper, Lundy even went as far as to say that “opposites do not attract” and that “accurate perception of the true level of similarity, including aesthetic similarity, with a potential mate is important”. There’s other research to back this up, including a 2018 study that shows that sharing rare attitudes evokes stronger interpersonal attraction among people. In other words, the fact that you both enjoyed watching Parasite and want more music from Rihanna may not cut it. 

Matching style also doesn’t always mean matching interior design choices, as couples’ bedrooms become an aesthetic battleground. Kiera, a 27-year-old in Edmonton, Canada, says both her and her husband’s closets are a “sea of black fabric”. “I always say that when you look at us, you can easily tell we are a couple based on how we look together,” she says. But the rooms in their three-bedroom house say otherwise. The whole house has a Victorian look, since they both enjoy that aesthetic, but they have separate rooms for their own decorations. “The darker aesthetic we both dress in carries over into his, with red walls, gothic decor, and blackout curtains,” she says. “Mine is almost a complete shift in aesthetic. I have light purple walls, with all pink decor, and decals in my window that reflect rainbows when the sun comes through.”

Most subcultures used to be very progressive, but with things becoming more aesthetic and less identity-based, now you’re not sure who you’re meeting anymore

The reality is that dating today is tough, and most people have to devise their own method of sifting through thousands of potential partners on dating apps. Aesthetics have become just one of those methods. Mika, a 26-year-old in Indianapolis, says the fact that her boyfriend Spencer didn’t have a fish photo in his dating profile was enough of an aesthetic draw. “I distinctly remember that his first photo was in a Supreme sweatshirt, just having the time of his life,” she says. “I knew that was the energy I wanted in a relationship.” Mika believes that your aesthetic reflects who you are internally and that she and Spencer stay (usually) on the same page. “We can go from wearing all black and grungy, heavy eyeliner to dressing up in full for Oktoberfest,” she says. “Because we have such a similar energy, we can match different aesthetics as we fit.” 

Then there are the couples brought together by their alternative aesthetics but are determined that aesthetics will never pull them apart. Lily, an 18-year-old goth based in North Carolina, met her boyfriend in third grade and was immediately attracted to his style. When they reconnected over DM years later, they found themselves listening to the same music and supporting each other’s interior design choices and interests (taxidermy). “I would rather date somebody who has the same style as me, and I would not want to be in the car with someone playing Taylor Swift,” she says. Still, Lily swears aesthetics are not the determining factor of their love story. “I’ve always been attracted to more alternative people, but if he turned basic now, I’d still love him,” she says. In an aesthetics-obsessed world, perhaps that’s all you can hope for.

When Dinoh and his partner Jess first met two years ago, they both dressed according to “social norms”. The second time they ran into each other, they were “full-on” gothic. “I think that helped build the connection between us,” says Dino. “Normal people bore us, and we enjoy the eccentric and alternative side of life.” Dinoh currently describes himself as an “emo or punk guy”, and Jess traverses between “lolita goth”, “witch goth”, “vampire goth” and “romantic goth”. “We have the same time-passing activities and go to the European illegal side of raves,” says Jess. Aside from having the same hobbies, for both Dinoh and Jess, it was important to date someone within their alt communities. “I’ve dated normies, but it’s not the same experience because they don’t get it,” says Dinoh. So, when it comes to dating green flags, should having the same aesthetic be high on the list? 

Across social media, people proudly state that they only date within their aesthetic and “don’t settle for less”. They point to matching manicures and outfits as the reason why it’s worth breaking free from the “goth GF, finance BF” stereotype online. Some people claim to have found the complimentary “introverted gay English teacher BF” to their “nanacore male manipulator Vivienne Westwood GF”, while others have “manifested” their “dark academia BF” (none of these words are in the Bible). Most concerning, perhaps, are cottagecore couples who swear they were born in the “wrong time” or single people longing for “black cat” or Hufflepuff boys. However, as people increasingly use niche aesthetics to describe our current or future love interests, Dinoh says we’re losing the politics and meaning behind subcultures. “It’s not just about clothing or music,” he says. “It’s way deeper than that; it’s about empowering your voice through your appearance.” 

Just like someone wearing a trendy vintage rock shirt doesn’t mean they’ve listened to the band; people who date through aesthetics alone may be lured into a false sense of compatibility. While appearance has always been a factor in attraction, Rachel Wright, a psychotherapist in New York, says it used to be more about face-to-face interactions, vibes and chemistry. “In the past, shared values or community connections often outweighed appearance because more people met in person,” she says. “Today, aesthetics are often front and centre due to internet culture.” 

It’s not just about clothing or music. It’s way deeper than that; it’s about empowering your voice through your appearance

Reesa, 20, and Elias, 19, a couple based in Connecticut, say they were attracted to each other’s personality, but having “complementary” aesthetics was a bonus. “I’ve never had a partner where I could share clothes with them before,” says Reesa. “They were alternative but never as hardcore.” Growing up in the alternative scene, Reesa says trending aesthetics are encouraging more people to experiment with how they express themselves. Despite this, Elias worries it’s all becoming more superficial. “When you used to meet someone else who’s emo on the street, you don’t get a sense of who they are as a person anymore,” they say. “Most subcultures used to be very progressive, but with things becoming more aesthetic and less identity-based, now you’re not sure who you’re meeting anymore.” 

It should come as little surprise that aesthetic culture is changing how we talk about romance, especially considering aesthetics have become a language for young people. “Aesthetics are a layer of identity that evolves beyond default parameters like demographics,” says Sarah Unger, president and founder of the cultural insights and strategy advisory company Cultique. “In a highly digital world, the strategic use of aesthetics is an instantaneous, telegraphic way to signal cultural cachet, relevance and fluency. It’s also a way to easily experiment with identity in a more ephemeral, impermanent sense and explore multiple niches, trying them on for size.” However, Unger says young people are already experiencing “aesthetic fatigue”, under the crushing pressure of keeping with the fast-changing and fad-like nature of the infinite number of -core trends.

For those not chronically online, sharing aesthetic preferences can look like enjoying the same movies. “Aesthetic preferences give a world of information about a person,” Duane Lundy, a professor of psychology at Indiana University East. In a 2013 paper, Lundy even went as far as to say that “opposites do not attract” and that “accurate perception of the true level of similarity, including aesthetic similarity, with a potential mate is important”. There’s other research to back this up, including a 2018 study that shows that sharing rare attitudes evokes stronger interpersonal attraction among people. In other words, the fact that you both enjoyed watching Parasite and want more music from Rihanna may not cut it. 

Matching style also doesn’t always mean matching interior design choices, as couples’ bedrooms become an aesthetic battleground. Kiera, a 27-year-old in Edmonton, Canada, says both her and her husband’s closets are a “sea of black fabric”. “I always say that when you look at us, you can easily tell we are a couple based on how we look together,” she says. But the rooms in their three-bedroom house say otherwise. The whole house has a Victorian look, since they both enjoy that aesthetic, but they have separate rooms for their own decorations. “The darker aesthetic we both dress in carries over into his, with red walls, gothic decor, and blackout curtains,” she says. “Mine is almost a complete shift in aesthetic. I have light purple walls, with all pink decor, and decals in my window that reflect rainbows when the sun comes through.”

Most subcultures used to be very progressive, but with things becoming more aesthetic and less identity-based, now you’re not sure who you’re meeting anymore

The reality is that dating today is tough, and most people have to devise their own method of sifting through thousands of potential partners on dating apps. Aesthetics have become just one of those methods. Mika, a 26-year-old in Indianapolis, says the fact that her boyfriend Spencer didn’t have a fish photo in his dating profile was enough of an aesthetic draw. “I distinctly remember that his first photo was in a Supreme sweatshirt, just having the time of his life,” she says. “I knew that was the energy I wanted in a relationship.” Mika believes that your aesthetic reflects who you are internally and that she and Spencer stay (usually) on the same page. “We can go from wearing all black and grungy, heavy eyeliner to dressing up in full for Oktoberfest,” she says. “Because we have such a similar energy, we can match different aesthetics as we fit.” 

Then there are the couples brought together by their alternative aesthetics but are determined that aesthetics will never pull them apart. Lily, an 18-year-old goth based in North Carolina, met her boyfriend in third grade and was immediately attracted to his style. When they reconnected over DM years later, they found themselves listening to the same music and supporting each other’s interior design choices and interests (taxidermy). “I would rather date somebody who has the same style as me, and I would not want to be in the car with someone playing Taylor Swift,” she says. Still, Lily swears aesthetics are not the determining factor of their love story. “I’ve always been attracted to more alternative people, but if he turned basic now, I’d still love him,” she says. In an aesthetics-obsessed world, perhaps that’s all you can hope for.